


The Answer to Grief

by GraphiteFox



Series: Sticks and Bones [1]
Category: Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canonical Character Death, F/M, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Light Angst, Post-War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-10
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-03-16 17:21:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29335977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GraphiteFox/pseuds/GraphiteFox
Summary: The war has ended, but Corrin is still full of grief.  Saizo can't bear to see his wife grieve alone, but no one taught him what to do in these situations, how to offer comfort to someone you love.
Relationships: My Unit | Kamui | Corrin/Saizo
Series: Sticks and Bones [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2154762
Comments: 3
Kudos: 6





	The Answer to Grief

The Answer to Grief

Saizo doesn’t know how to deal with grief.

When his father was killed, he lashed out with anger. He invaded Mokushu territory and lost an eye for all his brashness. After that he closed himself off, became rigid and absolute, unforgiving and unsympathetic in his directions. 

He’s sent good soldiers to their deaths because of his unflinching nature. Why hesitate, why retreat when you can push forward and get the job done? Soldiers are meant to be sacrificed. He reminds himself of this often, usually when Kagero pulls him aside to berate him for his harsh tactics. That was one of the reasons they split: she couldn’t stomach his disregard for human life.

That’s not it at all. He has regard for life, but in the context of honor. It is his honor to risk his life for Prince—no, _King_ —Ryoma and he will not hesitate to do so. He assumes the same of every Hoshidan soldier. There is no point in coddling one another—they are meant to live and die for their king and kingdom.

He watched Flora light herself on fire in repentance and he knew it was required. He watched Lilith take a fatal blow and respected her dedication. He watched Princess Elise and Prince Xander offer their lives for the hope of a nation reborn, and he watched Azura fade away after making the ultimate sacrifice.

He saw the necessity of their deaths at the time, and he sees it still now. So why does Corrin call everything he feels into doubt?

Corrin, with all of her emotion and love and the force of _feeling._ He still wonders how he ended up married to her: a princess of two nations, a swordswoman, a dragon. None of it bothers him so much as the depth of her love for those around her. She feels loss like a sword to the chest. Even when she smiles, he sees the corners of her mouth falter.

He has seen her _howl_ with agony. He has seen her body shake with grief as she fights to push herself up again. It has changed him, a little. 

He is no longer so eager to sacrifice his troops on the blade of honor. He is learning again how to trust. But it frightens him. Corrin still wakes up in their bed with tears on her cheeks. She kisses him when she thinks he’s asleep and he feels the dampness against his skin before she leaves the bed. 

She goes on walks. Long walks down to the lake, with Yato at her side. At least she does this. If she left without a weapon he wouldn’t know how to handle her stupidity. Yes, he loves a woman who trusts openly and easily, but to leave the palace in the dark, unarmed—no, that would be too much to ask him to accept.

She sits at the lake for hours. He watches her watch the water until the sun comes up and her eyes are dull and dry. He beats her back to their quarters, stretches languidly when she crawls back into bed, pretends he’s never left. In this peacetime they are both always tired. Neither of them remarks on it.

He thinks constantly of reaching out. He knows what it means to lose, but not to grieve, and he knows he’ll only hurt her more. During the day she shows no signs of pain. She plants Elise’s favorite flowers in the palace gardens and keeps Xander’s thin black coronet in a hand-carved box. Saizo never sees her open the box, but it’s never found dusty.

She’s always full of warmth when others are around. Kana, most of all, makes her smile, and Asugi stresses her in the endearing way that only he can. And she’s brimming with joy during dinners with her siblings. It’s at one of these dinners that King Ryoma announces that he’s offering her a new position as a diplomat. The first official post-war ambassador between Hoshido and Nohr. Saizo’s heart beats a little faster as he watches from the wings. They’ve only just settled at the palace. This will require upending their lives to travel back and forth between the two countries. And he is still King Ryoma’s retainer. He can’t leave just to be with his wife.

She accepts with a smile, without hesitation, and Saizo is proud of her. He is worried about the disruption—he’s gotten used to her body next to his at night, after all. But she is uniquely suited for the role and she will perform it well.

There are cheers all around. The siblings toast to Corrin, and each other, and most of all, to peace. Silas offers to be her escort and a liaison between the two armies. Saizo grits his teeth at this. He’s made his peace with the Nohrian knight, but it still irritates him how Silas gets to spend more time with his wife than Saizo ever can. But she’ll be safe and that’s all that matters.

By the end of the dinner all is settled. Corrin will travel to Nohr at the end of the week with Silas and Kaze as retainers, and Jakob and Felicia as everything else because they simply will not be pried away from their lady. She will be safe, he reminds himself. But will she be happy?

Saizo debates how much to tell Kaze. Will she still wander at night while in Nohr? There are dissenters in both countries, and all it takes is one unruly citizen to destroy the one he loves most.

He’s filled with these thoughts as they prepare for bed. 

“You’re thinking too hard,” she says, smoothing his brow with her fingers. They are calloused from her sword training and he loves the feel of them on his body.

“This new appointment…”

“I know. It will take some getting used to. Even during the war we weren’t far apart.”

And it’s true. Since he’s known her, Saizo hasn’t been away from her for any expanse of time. There was the openly distrustful period where he followed her every move, and then there was the confusing period where he remained close despite it playing with his emotions, and then of course there was the embarrassed courting period where he…still followed her. He has been part of her orbit from the start and he doesn’t want that to change.

But he is first and foremost Ryoma’s retainer, and he doesn’t want that to change either. He will have to _trust_ , something Corrin is so good at doing.

“Promise me you’ll be careful. And you’ll stay near Kaze,” he insists.

He catches her smile as she turns to disrobe. “I will.”

They settle in bed, hints of skin against skin. They’re too tired tonight for more than lazy kisses, but those are more than enough.

Corrin falls silent and he thinks she’s asleep until she murmurs, “I’m thinking of bringing Kana with me.”

Saizo’s first thought is _will it be safe_? Then he remembers that his youngest son can turn into a dragon _._ So can his wife for that matter.

“And Asugi?”

“I think he’d rather stay close to you. He doesn’t say it, but he watches you very closely, you know.”

He knows. And having Asugi close to him is a comfort, but not as good as having his entire family nearby.

He presses a kiss against his wife’s forehead. “We can discuss it more tomorrow. Get some rest.”

Corrin hums back a response and settles deeper into the blankets.

It doesn’t take long for the first nightmare to hit. Tired as they are, the dreams come faster. This one doesn’t wake her, just makes her whimper and murmur to herself as she shifts. Saizo lets her get through it in the hopes that she’ll sleep quietly afterwards. She does, for awhile, but the second nightmare makes her sit up in bed, panting.

There’s no pretending he doesn’t notice, so he sits up too, rubbing his hands on her arms.

“I’m here.”

“I know. I’m okay now,” she says, but he can feel her trembling. After a moment she presses her hands against his chest. “Lie down and go back to sleep.”

“What about you?”

“I’m going to get some water and then I’ll sleep, too.”

It’s a lie, but he leans back against the pillows and pretends to fall asleep. He hears her dress, pick up Yato from its stand, and slip out. It doesn’t take him long to don his gear and follow her. It’s easier for him to catch up. She follows the same route every time, and he knows where she’s going.

The lake is peaceful as always, shimmering under the moonlight. Corrin heads straight for the dock, sits on the edge, and rests Yato beside her. Saizo hangs back in his usual spot to wait. The sun won’t be up for awhile.

The war took something from many of them, but not as much as it took from Corrin. In a way, it gave her two families back, neither whole. Two kingdoms, one broken. She will do so much good as a Hoshidan ambassador. Saizo is grateful to Ryoma for suggesting the position, even though it will take her further from him.

The song startles him. For a moment, here at the lake, he wonders if he’s hearing Azura’s ghost, but it’s only his wife, humming. She’s not gifted with song like Azura was, and the melody floats too high in some parts, but it’s close enough that he can recognize it.

It’s Corrin’s way of keeping Azura alive.

For once he wishes he knew how to grieve. He wishes he knew how to hurt properly, so he could know what to do now. He wants to go to her, hold her, keep her safe, but that’s too foreign for him. He doesn’t know if she’d even accept that. Why else would she leave in the night instead of confiding to him? If she did, what would he say?

He’s always seen death as a means to an end. He’s never feared it. Even when his father was killed, he was moved more by honor than grief.

But in a week his wife will leave for Nohr and he won’t be there to watch her anymore. He won’t be able to wake up next to her when the nightmares come. Which is why he has to do something now.

He heads for the dock, unsure of what he’ll say but sure that he needs to say something. He steps harder than usual, enough for her to hear. She doesn’t turn.

“I was wondering if you’d ever announce yourself.”

He shakes his head. She’s known. “How long?”

“From the start. I told you that I’ve gotten used to you watching me. I can sense when you’re around.”

“And you didn’t say anything?”

“I didn’t need to.” She pats the edge of the dock beside her.

He’s irritated and confused. Still, he lowers himself down next to her. Then she cocks her head and gives him a half smile and his annoyance melts away.

“I was worried,” he admits. “The nightmares…”

She nods. “It’s hard to shake what I’ve lost. Who I’ve lost.”

“I…” He clamps his lips shut again. What can he say to that? What is there to say? He’s good at so many things: stealth, surveillance, explosives, gauging danger, catching Asugi pocketing sweets before dinner. But he’s useless in the face of his wife’s sorrow.

Corrin leans over and kisses him. “Oh, Saizo. You’re thinking too hard again.”

“I want to help. How can I help?”

She intertwines their fingers, squeezes his hand. “Just sit with me. This is enough.”

_Is it_? He wonders. Is she simply humoring him? She rests her head on his shoulder and he can smell her hair. Kana’s smells and feels the same way. It fills him with love to think about. And then—oh, he understands. Love is the answer to grief. Grief is an abundance of love without a home.

He is grieving now, knowing that his wife and son will soon be traveling. He will have to trust them to keep each other safe.

“We’ll come home safely,” she promises him.

“When did you start reading my mind?”

She laughs. “You might be good at hiding, but when it comes to emotions you’re easy to read.

“Take that back immediately. I am a highly skilled ninja and adept at concealing my emotions.”

“From everyone but me,” she insists.

He nudges her away from him in response, a little too harshly because she dips towards the water, the shock reflecting in her eyes. But their hands are still clasped together and he rights her immediately, pulling her back into him. They laugh a little.

“I love you.”

She squeezes his hand again. “I have never doubted that.”

This time they go back together. They crawl back into bed, tangled up in each other, and they sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> I finished Birthright last night, years too late, and had to bang this out because of reasons. Thanks for reading!


End file.
